don’t you worry, its gonna be alright…
haha, i saw this picture and i had such a flood cheesy crap (not literal cheesy crap) to use as a word bubble, but i’ll stick to my original:
“i’m available for bar mitzvahs and sweet 16’s! say you saw me sing on top of the berlin wall and k.i.t.t. will show up for free!”
feel free to leave your ideas if the spirit moves you. (and props to anyone who recognizes the title of this entry)
my commute has always sucked but in the last 5 weeks since i’ve been making the 8am grind to school every single morning, here’s a couple quick observations i think i’m now qualified to make:
1. Driving Defensively: Yes, i appreciate defensive drivers. its like the guy in the allstate commercial says “they keep all our rates down.” and yes, despite my driving record, i am a defensive driver too. HOWEVER, i think there’s a fine line between driving defensivly and driving like a scared little…well, fill in the word yourself. for example, just because the guy 100 feet in front of you brakes, doesn’t mean you have to slam on yours. the same level of safety can be achieved by simply taking your foot off the gas and letting yourself slow down. i mean, holy crap, don’t give me a damn heart attack because the guy 2 lanes over just tapped his brakes.
2. Changing Lanes: I like to pride myself on my lane changing technique. No matter how fast i’m driving i still signal, look over my shoulder and then change lanes. does that mean poeple who don’t do this are jerks? as far as the ones who don’t signal, yes, they are jerks. beyond that, so long as you don’t hit me, i don’t really care. but what i do care about is poeple who think the entire lane of traffic behind them has to slow down or stop because they are waiting for the perfect time to switch lanes. oh you just realized you’re about to miss your exit? hold on, lemme go find you a violinist because that’s the most tragic story i’ve ever heard.
3. Flags: Knowing full well that donald rumsfeld reads my blog, i’m not gonna knock the american flags on peoples’ windows. you wanna put one of those clip on flags on the outside of your window, fine by me. but i’m pretty sure your level of patriotism isn’t directly proportional to the size of the flag you’re packin’. granted, the guy with the 11×17 flag will disagree. ALTHOUGH, i did see the greatest thing today. the dude in the car behind me had like a 1/8 scale eagle hanging from his rearview mirror. but it wasn’t your run of the mill statuesque eagle, this eagle looked like it was grabbing a damn fish out of a river. its wings were up, its talons were in the down and locked position and the menace its eyes…oh the menace in its eyes… and it looked like it was flying as it swung around. now that was badass.
4. Ricers: Oh yes, everyone’s favorite topic. I admit, i drive an ‘03 corolla. yes, i have 15″ alloy wheels, and yes, i have a spoiler (both trunk and underbody). but these were stock, factory installed items. i don’t suffer from the delusion that my car is faster because of them or that my car is special enough to warrant a body kit, or a new muffler, or a hood scoop. the problem is that far too many people think their cars are worthy of this–and these are usually the people who look like their cars are ricers on layaway. for example, the guy in the faded red ‘95 dodge neon who can only afford the ugly clear corner tail lights and the imitation fartcan muffler. or the guy in the 97 integra who thinks half a body kit and a carbon fiber hood warrants hoodpins and an APC sticker on his windshield. or, my favorite, the guy in the ‘93 accord who could only get 3 new tail lights (out of 4) and only one of all 4 actually works. i mean, the only thing worse than fully riced out cars are the people with half-assed ricers. i’m sure the guy at kragen that sold you your spoiler told you it was awesome, but really, not so much.
anyway, that’s what i got. this is the kind of crap i come up with while i’m driving in a vain effort to take my mind off the bar. i know what you’re thinking “damn man, you’ve lost your mind” and yeah, that pretty much sums it up.
the article starts just kinda funny, then the dude gets really kinda creepy. though i would’ve figured someone in wisconsin would have higher standards than steel reserve. maybe some schlitz or something.
haha, my custom-randomly-created corporate gibberish (but seriously, don’t read the whole thing, i think anything past the second paragraph will result in permanent brain disorders resulting from the repeated bashing to the head from trying to make any sense of it):
Throwmyshoe.org is the industry leader of customer-directed channels.
If you streamline efficiently, you may have to syndicate super-magneticly.
What does it really mean to streamline “strategically”?
Imagine a combination of WAP and PGP.
Our technology takes the best aspects of RDF and IIS.
Our technology takes the best features of J++ and HTML.
What does the jargon-based commonly-used standard industry term “project management” really mean?
Our technology takes the best features of J++ and VOIP.
It comes off as confused, but it’s 100% 100 percent realistic!
We will scale up our power to exploit without diminishing our power to maximize.
We pride ourselves not only on our functionality, but our newbie-proof administration and user-proof configuration.
Throwmyshoe.org practically invented the term “content”.
If all of this may seem astounding to you, that’s because it is!
Our 60/24/7/365 feature set is unparalleled in the industry, but our short-term re-purposing and user-proof configuration is invariably considered a terrific achievement.
Without implementation, you will lack action-items.
If all of this comes off as impressive to you, that’s because it is!
The infrastructures factor is real-world.
What does the industry jargon “obfuscation” really mean?
A company that can matrix fiercely will (at some point in the future) be able to redefine courageously.
Is it more important for something to be visionary or to be reality-based?
If you evolve macro-virally, you may have to transform intuitively.
The versioning factor can be summed up in one word: seamless.
What does the industry jargon “customer-defined, e-business, reconfigurable” really mean?
Is it more important for something to be virally-distributed or to be client-focused?
We here at Throwmyshoe.org have proven we know that it is better to scale seamlessly than to visualize iteravely.
The capability to productize intuitively leads to the ability to e-enable intuitively.
Think mission-critical. Think enterprise. Think reality-based. But don’t think all three at the same time.
We will inflate our aptitude to morph without decrementing our capacity to seize.
What do we reintermediate? Anything and everything, regardless of anonymity!
We pride ourselves not only on our world-class, open-source feature set, but our easy administration and newbie-proof configuration.
It sounds unclear, but it’s 100 percent 100 percent accurate!
What does the standard industry industry jargon “returns-on-investment” really mean?
The leading-edge Total Quality Control factor can be summed up in one word: mission-critical.
Imagine a combination of PHP and RDF.
Our functionality is unparalleled in the industry, but our collaborative affiliate-based, user-defined branding and newbie-proof configuration is frequently considered a remarkable achievement.
We here at Throwmyshoe.org think we know that it is better to monetize virally than to visualize robustly.
We will enable the capacity of deliverables to extend.
Think nano-affiliate-based.
What does the term “global, wireless, viral” really mean?
What does the commonly-accepted term “frictionless” really mean?
Imagine a combination of XML and JavaScript.
The capacity to enhance seamlessly leads to the power to actualize ultra-efficiently.
If you enhance wirelessly, you may have to implement ultra-compellingly.
Our technology takes the best aspects of Flash and Flash.
What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!
If you engineer perfectly, you may have to actualize intuitively.
Imagine a combination of PGP and PHP.
We think that most end-to-end web portals use far too much XSL, and not enough Dynamic HTML.
We here at Throwmyshoe.org understand that it is better to morph compellingly than to maximize perfectly.
Our technology takes the best features of J++ and HTTP.
If all of this may seem fabulous to you, that’s because it is!
Without appropriate subscriber communities, methodologies are forced to become 24/7/365.
What do we reintermediate? Anything and everything, regardless of incomprehensibility!
What does it really mean to strategize “virally”?
Think sexy. Think e-business. Think B2B. But don’t think all three at the same time.
We pride ourselves not only on our feature set, but our newbie-proof administration and newbie-proof operation.
Is it more important for something to be C2C2C or to be mission-critical?
What do we streamline? Anything and everything, regardless of reconditeness!
It seems stupefying, but it’s accurate!
The all-hands meetings factor can be summed up in one word: killer.
At Throwmyshoe.org, we believe we know how to deliver nano-extensibly.
Quick: do you have a open-source strategy for managing unplanned-for metrics?
What do we revolutionize? Anything and everything, regardless of obscurity!
What do we architect? Anything and everything, regardless of obscureness!
The metrics for compliance are more well-understood if they are not out-of-the-box.
Think reconfigurable, social-network-based. Think leading-edge. Think best-of-breed. But don’t think all three at the same time.
Think cyber-end-to-end.
We apply the proverb “A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” not only to our re-purposing but our capability to reintermediate.
What does it really mean to unleash “dynamicly”?
If you productize perfectly, you may have to engage macro-intra-efficiently.
What does the commonly-accepted term “holistic” really mean?
Throwmyshoe.org practically invented the term “C2C”.
Your budget for pushing the envelope should be at least three times your budget for enabling.
It seems terrific, but it’s true!
It sounds marvelous, but it’s completely completely accurate!
What does it really mean to repurpose “holisticly”?
We think that most mission-critical web sites use far too much Python, and not enough OWL.
Is it more important for something to be long-term or to be global?
Think turn-key.
The metrics for e-commerce are more well-understood if they are not 24/7/365.
Quick: do you have a user-centric plan for regulating new portals?
Without appropriate 24/7/365, real-world, bricks-and-clicks schemas, e-services are forced to become extensible.
Throwmyshoe.org practically invented the term “research and development”.
The ROI metrics factor can be summed up in one word: next-generation.
Without preplanned subscriber communities, action-items are forced to become user-centric.
Without cross-platform structuring, you will lack content.
Your budget for enhancing should be at least one-tenth of your budget for evolving.
Do you have a plan to become sticky, e-business?
The markets factor can be summed up in one word: strategic.
Imagine a combination of JavaScript and HTTP.
Think proactive. Think virtual. Think 60/60/24/7/365. But don’t think all three at the same time.
The power to benchmark robustly leads to the power to utilize holisticly.
We will step up our aptitude to scale without lessening our capacity to syndicate.
Our technology takes the best features of PGP and PGP.
Have you ever needed to incentivize your functionality? Without filling out any forms?
We will multiply our power to incubate without decrementing our capacity to enhance.
What does the term “long-term” really mean?
A company that can recontextualize faithfully will (at some point in the future) be able to synthesize faithfully.
The web services factor can be summed up in one word: granular.
The applications factor can be summed up in one word: virtual.
Our technology takes the best features of C++ and HTML.
We think we know that it is better to seize intuitively than to seize magneticly.
If all of this seems contradictory to you, that’s because it is!
What does the commonly-used buzzword “schemas” really mean?
Imagine a combination of Unix and HTTP.
Your budget for e-enabling should be at least one-tenth of your budget for incubating.
Think mega-super-killer.
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wow, everything’s gone…maybe an entry this weekend…maybe
also, if you’re wondering what the hell that picture is, they are “speed beads” i saw them in the automotive section of wal-mart today while i was getting my oil changed.
now i know what you’re thinking “those look like regular old crappy mardi gras beads” and you’re right. that’s exactly what they are yet they are still sold in the automotive section and marketed as having some kind of relationship to the speed of your car. they are also available in purple and chrome in case you’re interested.
