so i watched texas justice again this morning. i’m sure you’ve all heard of it. its one of those shows where people bring in their small claims cases to be decided on tv by people who were supposedly once fairly good judges but sold out and became rent-a-judges on tv. today was probably only the fourth or fifth time i’ve seen this show. i’m usually never home at 11am and even if i am, i avoid texas justice out of basic policy. plus its not entirely true to its name, the show does not end in an execution (the standard meaning of the words texas justice). the honorable larry joe doherty is your typical tv judge in that he’s makes snap decisions, likes to lecture people and insult them at the same time (of course he does this with a thick texas drawl). he walks into the courtroom, gives a howdy to william the bailiff, hangs his stetson hat on a hook and gets into the cases.
now, i know this all sounds like fairly typical tv court shows (except with just a hint of texas flair thrown in), and you’re right. however, the only redeeming aspect of this show is judge larry joe’s personal library of little sayings. the first one i heard from him a few months back was while he was lecturing a guy about the importance of signing a contract. he said “sir, if you come to court without a signed contract, you’re pretty much up an unsanitary tributary without any means of manual propulsion–if ya know what i mean.” [in english: up shit creek without a paddle] the guy just looked back at judge larry joe and you could tell he had no idea what he meant.
so today, he throws out: “Well if a frog had wings, he wouldn’t bump his rump when he jumps–if ya know what i mean” damn judge larry joe, i like to think i’m pretty good at picking up what people mean, but i got no clue what the hell you’re talking about.
“People always come into court what if’n. If you kick the lid off the yuck bucket, you’ll be here all day.” again, no idea.
i think i’m gonna have to start watching this show to hear more of these gems.